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How To Handle Invasive Questions From Family This Chinese New Year

It’s that time of year again! The Lunar New Year’s rolled in, and with it comes all the festivities: dumplings, red packets, and, of course, all the love from the family (well, most of it). But you know the drill: there’s always that one relative (or two) who turns into a full-on tabloid journalist the second you walk in the door. 

You’re just there, minding your own business, and suddenly you’re being bombarded with questions like you’ve signed up for a reality show. “When are you getting married? Got a job yet? What’s your life plan?” So the interrogation continues.

But don’t worry, we’ve got your back with a Maccha survival guide. Let’s get into how to handle those invasive questions at family events without turning it into full-on drama. We’re talking avoiding awkwardness 101.

When Are You Getting Married?

We’ve all been there. Auntie’s got her matchmaking goggles on and is going full detective mode, asking when you’re settling down like it’s a game show.

Response Game Plan: 

• Humour Your Way Out: “Oh, I’m just waiting for the perfect date. Might be 2050, though.”
• Flip It Back: “Why, are you planning a wedding for me?”
• Chill Vibes Only: “I’m focusing on myself right now”
• Throw Some Shade: “I’m just waiting for you to find me someone, Auntie. You’re the expert, right?”
• Deflect the Question: “Marriage? I’m still deciding what I want for dinner, let alone a lifetime commitment”

And remember, you don’t have to answer anything you’re not comfortable with, so it’s OK to say “I’d rather not talk about this”. Let’s dive into those invasive questions that we might have encountered from family members

You Look [insert comment]

You see a relative you haven’t seen in a while at a family gathering, and the first comment alludes to your appearance, whether it’s “oh…you’ve put on weight/ you look so thin”, or “you look older now”..Remember, in Asian culture, often these comments are a show of care, even if they come across insensitive. Our usual response is to be non confrontational and let it slide. However, if it is really bothering you, the best thing to do is to pull that person aside in private and tell them how that makes you feel. Don’t make it about them, but express your feelings, i.e. “when you comment on my weight, I feel really embarrassed.” If they’re reasonable, the comments will stop.

How’s Your Career Going? 

Ah, the classic “Who’s Doing Better” Olympics. Uncle Wang’s already hyping up his son who got a scholarship, has a PHD and is now a doctor. A show of maturity would be to congratulate Uncle Wang on having a successful son whilst acknowledging to yourself that everyone has their own paths. The saying that “comparison is the greatest thief of joy” is so true, and just because the older generation does this all the time, it doesn’t mean we have to continue this trend. 

However, if someone deliberately tries to make you feel bad about your career in comparison, then that’s a different story. A response such as “thanks for your concern, I’ll let you know if I need your advice”, shows that you’re figuring it out yourself, and you’ll solicit their advice if you need it (hint hint - not now).

Don’t let the comparison trap catch you. Keep it confident, and don’t be afraid to redirect the convo.

When Are You Having Kids? 

For some reason, life milestones feel like a checklist to some relatives. Whether you don’t have kids out of choice or not…it really isn’t anybody’s business. No kids yet? Brace yourself for the questions. Some possible responses could be brushing it off with, “I’m more focused on my own goals at the moment, kids will come when they come”,  “Well, no rush, right? I’m just going with the flow”; as well as humour, i.e. “I’m still working on keeping my plants alive first!”

Keep it relaxed and don't feel pressured. You’ve got plenty of time to make life decisions on your terms.

Why Are You Still Single?  

Apparently, your relationship status is everyone’s business during Lunar New Year. You may even receive some matchmaking help from a relative. You may have been trying to find someone with no luck, but don’t really want to discuss your love life (or lack of) around the table. It’s important to recognise that the question roots in the Asian culture of conformity, which may look different from modern Western society of today. Therefore, the best approach is to acknowledge that you understand their concern, but you’re doing things at your own pace and your way. Keep it lighthearted and confident. Your relationship status is your choice, and no one should make you feel bad about it!

Bonus: Master the Art of Deflection

When you're feeling stuck, pull out these savvy tricks. They'll help you breeze through any doubt with ease!

• Turn the Tables: Start asking them questions. People love talking about themselves.
• Bring a Buddy: Having a sibling or mate with you makes it easier to tag-team tricky convos.
• Excuse Yourself: Oh no, you suddenly need to help with the dishes or refill your drink. Convenient, innit?
• Use the Power of Silence: Sometimes just giving them a puzzled look and saying nothing works wonders.
• Bail Out Gracefully: “Sorry, I’ve got to check on something. Catch you later!”
   

Mastering the art of deflection is key. Use these moves to keep the convo light and avoid awkwardness.

Remember: It’s Not That Deep

Most of the time, these nosy questions come from a place of care (even if it’s misguided). Don’t let it ruin your day. Keep your head up, stay true to yourself, and enjoy the good stuff – the food, the vibes, and the memories.

At the end of the day, Lunar New Year is about celebrating with the people you love and embracing the joy of the moment. Let the awkward questions roll off your back, and soak in the positive energy around you!

The Power of Redirecting

Here’s a hack for every invasive question: flip it back on them. When they ask, “When are you settling down?” hit them with, “Oh, enough about me… How’s your garden coming along?” Or, “What’s your favourite CNY memory?” Works like a charm and shifts the spotlight.

Redirecting the conversation not only takes the pressure off but also keeps things moving without the awkwardness. People love talking about themselves, so use that to your advantage!

Have a Backup Crew

Tag-team your escape plan with a sibling, cousin, or mate who’s also in the hot seat. Agree on a signal (like scratching your nose or raising your glass) that means, “Save me NOW.” Then they can swoop in with a distraction or start a group chat roast about Auntie’s karaoke obsession.

Having a backup crew is a game-changer. Whether it’s diverting the convo or creating chaos in a more entertaining way, teamwork makes the dream work. You’ve got this!

Wrapping it Up 

You’re not alone in this. Everyone’s been there, dodging those nosy questions like a pro. Whether it’s about your love life, career, or when you're having kids, you’ve got all the tools to handle the interrogation. Next time the fam starts with their “well-meaning” jabs, just take a deep breath, flash that winning smile, and hit them with a response that’ll have them speechless. You’ve totally got this.

Happy Lunar New Year, and may your red packets be fat and your comebacks even fatter!

But hey, if you’re feeling like you need a squad who gets you, Maccha is your go-to. It’s a vibrant, like-minded community where you can connect with fellow users from the ESEA community. Whether you need a distraction, some fresh convo, or just a place to vent about Auntie Karen’s karaoke obsession, Maccha's got your back. Stay true to yourself, enjoy the vibes, and let Maccha keep you plugged into the culture, the laughs, and the real ones. You’ve got the vibe, now find your tribe!